Heartfelt
by no cure for crazy
Summary: The heart to heart she had with Alexis felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Post 7x04, child's play


AN: Okay, so this is basically one of the longest single fics I've ever written…mostly because I just feel like Kate and Alexis are desperately in need of a moment to where they just sit and _talk._ And I wrote this, touching on a little of bit of everything that they could talk about which kind of just took control while I was writing and that's why it ended up being so long.

Set after 7x04 – Child's Play.

I wrote this just after the episode and posted it on archive of our own, but am just now getting around to posting it on fanfiction.

Disclaimer: I obviously don't own _Castle._ I'm sure if I did, something similar to this would have already happened.

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><p>Heartfelt<p>

Castle was out filming a commercial promoting _Raging Heat_ and Martha had gone with him. Both Kate and Alexis had been asked to go but they had easily declined – wanting to stay in. It would probably take a while and neither seemed to be in a mood to deal with the cameraman and all the people who were bound to be there.

Instead, the two women were sitting on the couch – enjoying the few quiet moments they had recently. Both were still in their pajamas. It was nice to finally feel able to relax after the events of the past few months.

Sure, Castle was back and he was safe. But it didn't change the fact that he'd _disappeared_, that they didn't know where he was, who took him or why.

"You okay?" Kate found herself asking to break the silence that had settled between the two of them.

Alexis shrugged. "A Scooter ride down the hallway isn't something that's going to fix all this."

Kate thought for a moment, wanting to choose her words carefully – not wanting to push too hard. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Alexis slowly nodded. "I think that would help." She sat back against the couch and tucked her legs underneath her body.

"Does this have anything to do with Paris?" Kate questioned.

Alexis nodded. "Not as much as dad's disappearance and other things –"she said, trailing off, not knowing how to say it.

"Have you talked to your dad about it?" Kate asked when Alexis was quiet for a few moments.

Alexis shook her head. "Not really. I feel like we need to talk – to deal with all of these pent up feelings and emotions. But I'm not sure how to go about it, so I guess I've just been putting it off. Not wanting to deal with it and I think I've just made it worse with how much I've been dotting on dad."

A moment of silence filled the room as Alexis took a moment to think.

"Even still, I keep thinking I'm going to wake up and dad won't be here," Alexis admitted. "I've had nightmares a couple of nights that everyone I care about just disappeared – one by one."

Kate took Alexis' hand in her own and gave it a soft, reassuring squeeze. "I'm sorry, Alexis…that I basically disappeared after your dad did."

Alexis shrugged. "It may have stung a little in the beginning but I realized later that you had things to do and you were leading dad's case…Besides, I knew that Gram needed me."

Kate took a moment. "It's just that I didn't want to face you and Martha without the answers I knew all of us wanted…still I should have been there for you"

Alexis took a breath. "With my mom abandoning me like she did, I'm used to people not being there – sure she still comes around sometimes, but it's not the same. Then dad disappeared and there were a few times when I thought I would never see him again…all those issues I haven't properly dealt with came up again."

"Alexis," Kate started, placing her arm around the girl's shoulders.

"Its fine, Kate…really…I don't blame you," Alexis let out a breath and placed her head on Kate's left shoulder. "I've just never told anyone else that and it feels kind of good to finally say it out loud."

Hearing Alexis admit those feelings to her – to be that open with her was like a stab to the chest. It made Kate feel worse about not being around much during those two months of Castle's disappearance – for disappearing back into that shell of hers and building her walls up again.

Even more than before, she felt like she should have made more of an effort to be at the loft. Maybe she should have pushed aside all the reasons why she spent as little time in the loft as she could – just to have been there for Alexis when she obviously needed someone.

"I still feel like I should have tried harder to be around then," Kate told her. "Especially since I was going to be your stepmom, but instead I inverted back into my old ways - shutting everyone out."

"I don't blame you, Kate. Honestly, I don't," Alexis reassured her. "I've realized that that is just how you deal with things."

"It's how the old Kate Beckett dealt with things," Kate responded. "Before your dad came into my life and weaseled his way in. The only reason why I didn't fall back into the rabbit hole when I reopened my mom's case was because of your father."

"You two are good for each other. I mean that – even if I was a bit iffy at first."

Kate looked at the girl, already guessing what she meant. The few near death experiences Castle was a part of that Alexis knew about and the others she probably didn't know about.

"After your shooting, I tried to get dad to stop shadowing you…I told him he had to grow up and stop pretending to be a cop," Alexis admitted. "I was scared that I would eventually lose him and so I lashed out."

Kate began running her fingers through the younger girl's hair, shocked and a bit relieved when Alexis didn't pull away. "Because of what happened with your mother?"

"Yeah…I realize now that it was probably a bit stupid," Alexis said.

"No, it wasn't. You were in your right to be protective over your father – given everything that happened back then," Kate told her. "In fact, there was a time when I almost tried to get Castle to stop shadowing me for that same reason."

Alexis stared up at her. "Really?"

Kate nodded. "But I realized that with your father, nothing is ever that easy…I am glad he stuck around, especially given everything with my mom's case. To think, I was so angry with him in the beginning for poking around in the case file after I told him not to."

"That sounds like dad," Alexis commented.

"I think it was for the best that I finally came around and let him work on her case with me," Kate spoke again. "It took fifteen years, but I've finally got the closure I've wanted since I was nineteen. I never would have found my mother's killer or Bracken if it wasn't for your father and I'm so grateful for that.

"A part of me wishes I could have had answers sooner. Or have had _something,_" Kate continued, unable to stop the words from tumbling from her mouth. "Maybe the whole thing with my dad could have been prevented."

Alexis reached out for Kate's free hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. Just like the detective did for her earlier.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Alexis asked, since Kate was already basically talking about it. "Of course you don't have to and I would never force you to, but since you were and –"

"Don't worry, Alexis, its fine," Kate said, cutting off the rambling girl.

Alexis gave a shy smile as her face turned slightly red.

Kate took a moment before speaking. "My dad took it hard after that. He turned to the bottle for support…he finally got sober. Of course, it was a long process. I transferred from Stanford to NYU to be there for my dad when he needed me. He was the only family I had left that I was really close to and I couldn't sit by and do nothing. Besides, Stanford just wasn't the same after what happened."

"That's why you became a cop," Alexis said.

Kate nodded. "Going into law enforcement after that just seemed like the logical choice, you know? I wanted to help others find justice that I never got for myself."

She wasn't sure exactly what had prompted her to talk about her mother's case, but it felt nice to finally have a talk like this with Alexis. If Alexis was willingly to open up to Kate about her issues, she could do the same in return.

There was a comfortable silence between the two of them. The left over tension that may have been present during Castle's two month disappearance was no longer prominent and wouldn't end up bothering them again.

It was nice to clear the air. To feel safe enough to be that open with each other.

To not have secrets.

"I'm not sure what I would have done if dad was never found," Alexis said, pulling Kate from her thoughts.

"I'm glad you didn't have to find out what it's like to lose a parent like that. I know your mom is barely around –"she trailed off.

"She's still alive," Alexis finished. "But dad's enough and then there's you."

Kate gave her a smile. "I'll always be here if you need someone to talk to, Alexis. I promise you, I'm not going anywhere. Not again."

"Thank you, Kate," Alexis said. "For everything."

"You care…and not just about dad, but about me too," Alexis continued. "You felt comfortable enough to share such a dark time of your life with me, you let me vent to you. When there's nothing forcing you to do …you don't have to make such an effort with me, but you do. And no other woman in my dad's life has ever done that."

"I knew from the beginning that if I ever wanted a relationship with your father, it would include you as well," Kate said. "You're his daughter and your relationship with your dad is one of the strongest bonds I've ever seen. I never wanted you to think I was trying to get in between you and your dad. The two of you are a like two peas in a pod; a package deal and I'm perfectly okay with that."

Alexis reached across the space between them and threw her arms around Kate's shoulders. Kate responded by pulling Alexis into a tight embrace before releasing her.

"And thank you for coming home," Alexis added, after she pulled away.

"I'm sorry I was ever gone, even for a while," Kate said, again.

"I think that all we can do now is just move on and leave everything in the past," Alexis stated. "It'll be a tough road but it'll be best for all of us."

Kate nodded. "Do you feel better?"

"A little bit, yeah," Alexis thought for a moment.

"Like I said, Alexis, I'll always be here if you need to talk," Kate told her.

Alexis smiled as. "Thanks again for everything, Kate."

"Any time, Alexis," Kate said, smiling.

The two women sat in silence for a few moments. "Do you maybe want to do something today?"

"What did you have in mind?"

Alexis shrugged. "I'm all for just lazing around today… some popcorn and Netflix? Order some food later on?"

"That'd be nice, Alexis," Kate said, standing up.

Alexis smiled – a real, genuine smile. She knew she hadn't smiled like that in a long time – not since before her dad disappeared. It was nice to see that she was on the way back to her old self. Of course, it would be a while before any of them were fully themselves again, but they would get there.

That was one thing she knew for sure. It would be a battle, a tough road – but they could do it.

Kate watched as Alexis retreated up the stairs. Kate made her way over towards the kitchen to start popping the popcorn.

The heart to heart she had with Alexis felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She was glad to put any underlying doubts about Alexis' feelings about her behind her.

Alexis returned to the living with her laptop as Kate was walking back towards the couch with the big bowl of popcorn and drinks.

The two women shared a smile as they settled in for the day, both looking forward to the impromptu girl's day. It would be a great thing for the both of them


End file.
